February 17th 2015

When skimming through my social media, there are a lot of people who seem unhappy with themselves and their current situation. I have seen several people say that “I want to move to a different city where no one knows me and start fresh, and become a new person, or a new me”. I was just like these people. As soon as I graduated from high school that is all I wanted to do, leave town and not come back.

I went away to school my first year of college. Having those three hours between me and my hometown was liberating and changed me in so many ways. However, when leaving your hometown behind because of past events and people that let you down, I will be the first one to tell you that going far away does nothing to erase past events, people and pain.

If you read any book or watch any movie where the main character is trying to start fresh in a new town, they become a better version of themselves and then their past comes back to haunt them. It is important to face it and overcome it so healing can happen. In most cases your past can be controlled by how you react to it presently. If you are hurt, you need to forgive. If you are not proud of something you’ve done, admit you were wrong and learn from it. Sweeping things under a rug does not fix the problem.

My story is no different, like I said, moving away for that year made me more confident and happy with myself. I came out of my shell. I did not want to lose that person I became. After I moved back home, I had to face the past events and bring everything back into the limelight to heal and overcome. It is not as easy as just leaving it all behind. You can leave, but you will have to come back and face it to make a full circle of recovery.

I feel like I am almost healed from the past. I do not think that we ever forget past events. They were important aspects of our lives that shape who we are. But coming full circle and being able to learn and grow from those events is how we know we are healed. In movies, you can see the changes in the characters face when they find themselves, their reactions, their smiles, their emotions, they all are more genuine. I can see that in photos of myself. In the last few years, I smile more and I smile bigger. I look genuinely more happy than what I was before. I am not finished healing but I can say that I am getting close.

Saydee Robinson

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